Necessary Detours

'Life? or Theater?' --- an autobiographical series of paintings by Jewish Modern Artist Charlotte Salomon

Yesterday i flunked an important technical exam. I was given an hour to go over the manual and all my notes to trace the steps i have missed. After a retake, i resurfaced with a perfect score. Thank God for second chances, i can now proceed to the next module of the course.  

Such is life. I don't think anyone in this world can claim walking an absolutely straight and perfect path. We have, at one point or another, had to redo some things, clean the slate and start all over,  and take the same tests over in order to learn its lessons. This has been the hallmark of my life.

One step forward, two steps back.  

Just when i thought i made progress, i find myself in direr straits. It does not matter as long as i can capture what is being taught. But of course in the thick of it --- the struggle, and the wrenching and wretchedness of it all is discomforting and unnerving. Sometimes to the point of despair.  I have reached that marker several times. I know that path too well. 

And how did i survive? Detours. By taking in what is being taught.

And by pushing myself to do  things out of  my normal and usual routine. Just when i  thought i have long been done with college: listening to lectures, studying, reviewing, practicum, and exams to pass -- i am back there alongside the young ones.

This is why I connect to the artist Charlotte Salomon.  She was driven by “the question: whether to take her own life or undertake something wildly unusual”. Fraught with a life of pain, she launched into something extraordinary --- painting. 

I know that my detour is a path forward.

Necessary Losses

Losses. No one wants to have them. From the moment we leave the comfort of our mother's womb, we lose something of value: the comfort and total security of that cocoon. As babies we all experience our parents being out of our sight. There is always some form of loss as we engage in this thing called life. Fearsome, pushing us to learn, grow, thrive in any kind of circumstance. No one is exempt.

And we have that to thank for this ability to flourish.

Still when things become too easy, we still lose something -- that push that makes us flap our wings,  and strengthen our sinews -- opportunities to evolve. While we are yet still breathing we can not have it any other way. The Animal Kingdom illustrates much of the oftentimes violent thrust of such losses that spur their young to survive. Think about the birds who are pushed out of the nest, the forced sending away at a certain age of bear cubs to fend for themselves, or even the snake's need to shed his whole outer skin to give way for the new. Renunciation, whether consciously or not, is our lifestyle.

If you can grab a hold of this book by Judith Viorst, so much the better. Got mine from my favorite book shop http://booksale.com.ph/. My thirty-five pesos in exchange for a treasure.

Here's what you will find in those pages:

Growing up means letting go of the dearest megalomaniacal dreams of our childhood. Growing up means knowing they can't be fulfilled. Growing up means gaining the wisdom and skills to get what we want within the limitations imposed by reality—a reality which consists of diminished powers, restricted freedoms and, with the people we love, imperfect connections.

When we think of loss we think of the loss, through death, of people we love. But loss is a far more encompassing theme in our life. For we lose not only through death, but also by leaving and being left, by changing and letting go and moving on. And our losses include not only our separations and departures from those we love, but our conscious and unconscious losses of romantic dreams, impossible expectations, illusions of freedom and power, illusions of safety -- and the loss of our own younger self, the self that thought it would always be unwrinkled and invulnerable and immortal.

For healthy growth involves being able to give up our need for approval when the price of that approval is our real self.  

All of us, including the very holiest, have impulses we struggle against every day. 

Voluntary relationships (like friendships), like all of our relationships, will have their disappointments, as well as their joys...friendships, we learn, are at best an imperfect connection. 

The good news is that  sometimes the bond between a husband and wife is stronger than any damage that can be done to it.
The bad news is that no two adults can do each other more damage than husband and wife.

Part of letting our children go is also letting them be, and that means letting go of our expectations for them...respecting their right to choose the shape of their life.

Losses by Lina Scarfi

What are you shedding today?

What thing do you need to throw off since it hinders you from moving forward?