Befriend Your Spouse

Bird of Paradise

Just got back from a Marrieds Retreat. It was a mix of young and not so young couples, all wanting to go notches higher in their relationship with their respective spouses. Some were hurting from the ravages of addiction, while others had just started on their journey in life together.

Common was the astonishment about where on earth did the paradise go? Like knots that needed to unravel, a lot of issues had to be brought into the open, acknowledged, and dealt with. Needless to say it was not easy. Definitely not the Eden we pictured.

After tackling communication issues, corrosive/ constructive behaviors, and other such elements that build or destroy a marriage, what impressed me was this ---- the necessity of friendship.

We learned reading something from John Gottman,  a hotshot marriage therapist. His 35 years of research on marriage can be summed up in two points:

• Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in     gentle, positive ways.
• Happily married couples are able to repair negative interactions during an argument, and they are able to process negative emotions fully.

Love your spouse. Be a friend.

Simple is Beautiful

Ikebana by Baiko

I have always been fond of the art of arranging flowers. My mother opened my appreciation for things Japanese as she would gush about how they pay attention to detail, be so thoughtful and reverent in every arrangement. I so like their minimalist approach. 

Gazing at Ikebana arrangements calms me. It had to be a calm, serene, disciplined person to harness the beauty of part plants. Each flower, stem, twig is well thought of. During the creation of such pieces, silence is a must. Very soulful. Very spiritual. Simply beautiful.

Flow With It

Photo by Laurel Stream

A not so funny thing happened to me just this week. As i took a bite of a chocolate covered ice cream bar i felt something break. To my chagrin my dentures broke. I am left with a toothless grin akin to old ladies who have not bothered to replace them. Good thing i do not have any schedules or appointments with the rest of humanity set for this week. Except for the necessary trip to the dentist -- i am under house arrest. No teeth, no face, i believe.

The need to flow is a must. We truly never know what exactly will come our way on the day-to-day. Much as we ensure preparedness for anything --- there are just some things that just pop up and test our emotional, and even adversity quotient. Some may be as shallow as losing one's front chompers --- little irritants, annoyances --- or God forbid, something that is devastating.

One's ability to go with the flow is a plus. Nothing happens by chance. Nothing is quite random as it seems. 

A Most Worthwhile Time

After realizing that i have been scrolling down at endless nonsense over my wall at a social media site --- i go into a self-imposed hiatus from it all --- even for a time. I know full well that when i spend so much time on my site i splurge mindlessly on information that does nothing for my well-being. I was discussing with my son the compulsion to put one's self out there, checking other people and their posts every so often almost in a trance-like state --- it being a new form of addiction. He assents.

And so with careful and deliberate extrication of my self from the clutches of those devices (yes, those things have claws) -- i chose to just sit silently. Quietly. Restfully. It was good to get in touch reflectively with things that truly matter. I feel restored to peace and calm. I am grateful.

Oasis Deep Within

Desert Flower by Paleos

My mama said there'll be days like this, so goes a song. I am awake yet i am in deep slumber. Not restful. Just inert. In my head i am a spectator of all the movement taking place outside of me. I am not oblivious to the beauty that surrounds me such as the unfolding of the night sky, the lushness of the flora, the playful chorus of birds... i see them all. I also see those around me tick off their to-do lists, one by one getting things done. Life -- as they live it, is but passing me by.

Dry. Thirsty.

Yet inspiration does not escape me. There is an oasis if i just dig in. It is just that on some days i need to dig deeper. 

Almost Off the Beaten Path

Last weekend was truly a chance to get away, be with family, mingle with friends, and be off the beaten path. Almost.

How to squeeze in a few days to forge memories with a ragtag bunch of folks, each with their own agenda, and try to get that much needed self-renewal -- physically, mentally, spiritually -- is a feat.  We brought along the same old boisterous energy, the usual tactics, a handful of expectations which did not materialize but nevertheless, i was able to rise at about the same time the sun did, walk briskly until my lungs got washed with fresh air, my blood joyfully pumping, and by grace felt beloved.