Midnight Lace

Recently picked up reading an enlightening book called The Japan Diet. This book extols the wisdom behind traditional Japanese style of eating in getting healthier, and slimmer. One of the first healthy vegetables it talks about is the sweet potato --- to landscapers, Midnight Lace. And to regular housewives, kamote tops. 

The Britons have taken to including this in their grocery list such that it is now known as the trendiest veggie in Britain. Here's why:

"A leading consumer group, the Center for Science in the Public Interest, calls them 'a nutritional All-Star: one of the best vegetables you can eat and 'loaded with carotenoids, vitamin C, potassium and fibre'.

...celebrated by chefs...and praised by dieticians. 'Due to their antioxidant and fibre content, they are protective against heart disease and cancer'...'The high levels of phytochemicals and beta-carotene also protect the eye from disorders like macular degeneration.'

...'apart from its unique and nutty taste much of the sweet potato's popularity stems from it being delicious and filling but low in fat making it a dieter's dream.' 

Well, who would ever thought that this 'lowly' vegetable is an All-Star, fare all too common here in the Philippines, blanched shoots served as ensalada topped with fresh tomatoes, chopped onions, and bagoong (fermented fish paste). I say lowly because in days of yore when our grandfathers did poorly in school, their teachers would tell them to 'just go home and plant kamote' which meant the teacher saw you as dim-witted and that it was more productive of you to do some farm activity than remain in school.

I feel so blessed having these thriving in my backyard. Fact is, we have regularly harvested its shoots that we may have fresh produce on the dinner table. But now after what i have read, i appreciate them all the more.

Partners in Creation

Red Flowers by Ella Becker

Blue Flowers by Ella Becker

Just last night at the dinner table, my long-time friend proposed that we enroll in a summer art class under the famous Fernando Sena. It has  piqued our interest after another friend's gushing over how her 9-year old daughter has progressed in her art after undergoing those classes. My daughter, a 25-year old artist by profession came under Sena's tutelage, too,  many years ago. And so was her former artist boss. 

There is something about wanting to produce something. Like an itch that won't go away, those creative juices need expression. Shape that bonsai, splash on the oil paint, carve that wood, sew those scraps of cloth, write that novel, cook that dish, grow those seeds, pound away on that metal, compose that song, create a bouquet. Frenzy, passion, fervor, fever. Whatever shape or form it takes.

We are certified co-creators by the Creator. 

“The important thing is that creation is God’s, and that we are part of it, and being part of creation is for us to be co-creators with Him in the continuing joy of new creation.”       ~Madeleine L’Engle

Bringing Up Ms. Me

By Elizabeth Silk

By Donna

Comfort by Henry Asencio

"In pieces, in a pile on the floor, with no idea how to go forward, your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new way, and this is an incredibly powerful opportunity to become new again: to choose how you want to put yourself back together. Confusion can be an incredible teacher—how could you ever learn if you already had it all figured out?" - JulieJCPeters

First came across these words shared by a friend on Facebook. It struck me like a big jab on the head that forcibly let those chunks of memories tumble out... memories of those times when i curled up in fetal position from the hurricane within me and from the raging storm going on in my  world.

I look back and i think "wow!" I made it through each one of them. When i first had a taste of how life could be so hard and overcame -- i knew i was stronger. "What could be more difficult?" Yet one after another the challenges came like powerful torrents --- and after each one i would say the same: "What could be more difficult?" I used to think how i must have kidded myself, or worse -- deceived myself. Here's what's in my book: child sexual abuse victim, witnessing an infidelity, death by cancer of a loved one, abandonment by a lover when i got pregnant, child out of wedlock, addiction, marital problems, suicide, another addiction, dissolved friendships, debt. But hey, am still up. And the good news: i always had the choice, and still have the choice, and the power to put myself back together the way i want. True, confusion can be an incredible teacher. Life IS an incredible educator and trainer. Yet i can never claim that i  have it all figured out. My education is one lifelong attempt.

Arresting the Sentimental

Mail just in: 

"Your Mom's birth anniversary is the same as Carlos_P._Romulo -- the 14th of January. She would be 72 years old if she were alive.

 

Remember her on that day. Speak to her for guidance and for prayers. Surely, she intercedes for us in ways we can't fathom.

 

Love and regards,

Daddy "

That's my dad addressing us, his grown up children here in the Philippines. I know he would be right at my mother's tomb on that date were he not residing in the U.S. Personally, i do not subscribe to paying the dead visits at their final resting places. If  i do go, it is more my support for the living whose way of rekindling memories is to be physically next to where the dear departed are.

My brother and sister, on separate occasions, shared how they have dreamt of our mother showing up --- and they have taken that as a sign to go to the cemetery and pay her a visit. But i have not had any such dream myself. Most probably i have pushed the memory of her far back in my mind so as not to ache with pining. She counts as my topmost love-r, despite my many shortcomings and rebelliousness. I write, i delete ---- memories that are starting to trickle in. This could get sappy. And so i stop.

The only currency i can afford now is to be grateful that  she was the one who gave birth to me and no other. She is at peace. That is what matters.

One day we'll have a toast --- you, sissy, and me. In the meantime --- hope you are having a grand time.

Talitha Koum

Right smack into this new year i find myself. I have barely gotten around to dealing with stuff i had intended to fulfill, much less change. Just recently i set out on an adventure -- to dare develop a new skill, be in a new industry. Sadly, i failed. The emptying of whatever remaining contents in my confidence bucket is a temptation. The web of negativity looms. But i cannot afford that. If there is one thing i have decided not to do anymore is --- beat myself up -- for failures.

Next week i mark my tattoo's first year. "Talitha Koum" is inscribed on my skin. It means rise up, get up. I didn't have it permanently inked on for nothing. I will try again.

Talitha Koum

My mantra for this year is "be kind to me."

Necessary Detours

'Life? or Theater?' --- an autobiographical series of paintings by Jewish Modern Artist Charlotte Salomon

Yesterday i flunked an important technical exam. I was given an hour to go over the manual and all my notes to trace the steps i have missed. After a retake, i resurfaced with a perfect score. Thank God for second chances, i can now proceed to the next module of the course.  

Such is life. I don't think anyone in this world can claim walking an absolutely straight and perfect path. We have, at one point or another, had to redo some things, clean the slate and start all over,  and take the same tests over in order to learn its lessons. This has been the hallmark of my life.

One step forward, two steps back.  

Just when i thought i made progress, i find myself in direr straits. It does not matter as long as i can capture what is being taught. But of course in the thick of it --- the struggle, and the wrenching and wretchedness of it all is discomforting and unnerving. Sometimes to the point of despair.  I have reached that marker several times. I know that path too well. 

And how did i survive? Detours. By taking in what is being taught.

And by pushing myself to do  things out of  my normal and usual routine. Just when i  thought i have long been done with college: listening to lectures, studying, reviewing, practicum, and exams to pass -- i am back there alongside the young ones.

This is why I connect to the artist Charlotte Salomon.  She was driven by “the question: whether to take her own life or undertake something wildly unusual”. Fraught with a life of pain, she launched into something extraordinary --- painting. 

I know that my detour is a path forward.

Necessary Losses

Losses. No one wants to have them. From the moment we leave the comfort of our mother's womb, we lose something of value: the comfort and total security of that cocoon. As babies we all experience our parents being out of our sight. There is always some form of loss as we engage in this thing called life. Fearsome, pushing us to learn, grow, thrive in any kind of circumstance. No one is exempt.

And we have that to thank for this ability to flourish.

Still when things become too easy, we still lose something -- that push that makes us flap our wings,  and strengthen our sinews -- opportunities to evolve. While we are yet still breathing we can not have it any other way. The Animal Kingdom illustrates much of the oftentimes violent thrust of such losses that spur their young to survive. Think about the birds who are pushed out of the nest, the forced sending away at a certain age of bear cubs to fend for themselves, or even the snake's need to shed his whole outer skin to give way for the new. Renunciation, whether consciously or not, is our lifestyle.

If you can grab a hold of this book by Judith Viorst, so much the better. Got mine from my favorite book shop http://booksale.com.ph/. My thirty-five pesos in exchange for a treasure.

Here's what you will find in those pages:

Growing up means letting go of the dearest megalomaniacal dreams of our childhood. Growing up means knowing they can't be fulfilled. Growing up means gaining the wisdom and skills to get what we want within the limitations imposed by reality—a reality which consists of diminished powers, restricted freedoms and, with the people we love, imperfect connections.

When we think of loss we think of the loss, through death, of people we love. But loss is a far more encompassing theme in our life. For we lose not only through death, but also by leaving and being left, by changing and letting go and moving on. And our losses include not only our separations and departures from those we love, but our conscious and unconscious losses of romantic dreams, impossible expectations, illusions of freedom and power, illusions of safety -- and the loss of our own younger self, the self that thought it would always be unwrinkled and invulnerable and immortal.

For healthy growth involves being able to give up our need for approval when the price of that approval is our real self.  

All of us, including the very holiest, have impulses we struggle against every day. 

Voluntary relationships (like friendships), like all of our relationships, will have their disappointments, as well as their joys...friendships, we learn, are at best an imperfect connection. 

The good news is that  sometimes the bond between a husband and wife is stronger than any damage that can be done to it.
The bad news is that no two adults can do each other more damage than husband and wife.

Part of letting our children go is also letting them be, and that means letting go of our expectations for them...respecting their right to choose the shape of their life.

Losses by Lina Scarfi

What are you shedding today?

What thing do you need to throw off since it hinders you from moving forward?