Soft Sweet Tender

Just got up from a very satisfying siesta. I feel as if all of my cells went to sleep and now the whole of me is calm, rested, serene...happy. Treating myself to this kind of self-care is being soft, sweet and tender with my person. All is good in my world.

Details Create the Big Picture

Photo by pete+'s photos on Flickr

"A mountain is composed of tiny grains of earth. The ocean is made up of tiny drops of water. Even so, life is but an endless series of little details, actions, speeches, and thoughts. And the consequences whether good or bad of even the least of them are far-reaching."

~~Sivananda

It is always beneficial to take the time to reflect on how i am relative to the people in my life. This is when i think about the little things that make up that entity (the relationship itself) forged by the many ways we have interacted, thought about each other, sacrificed for, fought with, taken for granted, made up with, stricken out of the heart roster, unfriended on facebook, and so on.

Many times we yearn for the big moves --- those carefully planned expressions of affection designed to make impact. Surprise parties, expensive gifts, and such. But what sustains the connection for me are the little everyday things that speak loudly of fondness, kindness, respect, thoughtfulness...

I fondly recall the time, many many years ago, for instance, when i came home from work for lunch on my birthday. I was not expecting anything from my husband who just got out of treatment and from my kids who were barely school age. But what a heart-warming surprise i got when i was asked to be seated at the table, fitted with a napkin, and handed a meticulously hand-written menu of the simplest of fare by them. It did not have to be gourmet. They certainly were not dressed formally -- the only mark that they were dressed special was the use of aprons. It was the heart pumped into the whole thing. 18 years have passed and i still remember everything with clarity. That, though simple, is a grand gesture.

And now the simple stuff...
While watching tv, a tray of snacks appear without asking for it. Shoes get shined. Sweet text messages that are basically nonsense get passed back and forth. Packed lunches prepared early in the morning, getting picked up from work so family does not have to hurdle hanging on straps in public transport...And how about the biting of the tongue to suppress a mean word, having time out to get ready to explain a point in better demeanor. Deliberate love. There is so much to tally, really, when we take the time to think about the good in each other...That spells the biggest difference.

Breathe Easy

Photo by Timothy K. Hamilton's photos on Flickr

A couple of days ago i got another invitation to a Silent Retreat. Too bad i cannot join this batch -- a mix of lay and pastoral people, seekers, acquaintances and friends, strangers, and regular folk who desire to take a meaningful and very restful break sans any form of distraction (and noise) from electrical implements and technological devices.

A couple of years ago when i participated i got a good three days of just resting in silence, communing solely with my self, with nature, and with my bed even (retreatants are given the liberty to sleep as long as they want). It was a much welcome "wasting of time" and boredom for the harried and harrassed of us. Aside from the temporary stepping back from the usual rhythm of my life, the retreat helped me to gain new perspective on stuff in my life i needed to see differently. Much as it was an opportunity to learn new things about myself it also gave me a chance to remember and feel again essentials i have forgotten. Stuff like gratitude, simplicity, contentment. There are some things we can learn, or know, or remember only in silence.

And best of all as i hid nothing from my Maker and opened myself up to His whispers, i received a pervading sense of precious peace. I rediscovered the goodness and strength in me. And despite the struggles and challenges still waiting for me on my return, i could breathe easy.

Loving What I Have

Photo by Hamed Saber's photos on Flickr

These past days i have been struggling a lot with insecurity...besieged with feelings that draw me away from those i hold dear in my heart -- family -- and, friends. I have the option, and the freedom, to be selfish and hold back time and affection. Looking at people through the tainted lens of my insecure heart i only see the imperfection in others. I observe and eventually validate their failure to meet my expectations.

I wrestled. A lot.

This morning i broke through that mesh. Thanks to the sparrows that regularly come to visit our small backyard...they always seem to be in a flurry of activity, yet without a care for whatever need or sustenance. Freely they flit from tree to grass, to clothes hanging out to dry (even occasionally crap on), peck at flowers, chirping with a joy only they can know --- but which i feel. It is good to sit quietly and rest the mind and just be open to the impressions that come from God.

What i have, certainly imperfect, is, i realize perfect and just right for me. Even the most beautiful of all roses has thorns...it's just part of the package.

It is so good to be content. It is wonderful to be grateful.

And so, my choice: to nurture and cherish that which i have been allowed by grace (only by grace) to have.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

We're daughter and mother
Not so long ago.
We give and take
And take and give
Along time's endless row.
Love is passed
And love received
To be passed on again:
A precious heirloom
Twice, twice blessed,
A spiritual cardigan.

I'll put it on
And treasure it,
The me I have received,
And when the roles
Reverse again,
I'll have what I most need.

So may our love
Go on and on,
A hundred thousand years;
Mothers and daughters,
Daughters and mothers,
Through joys and other tears.

- Anonymous

Friends Add Value to Survival

photo by D4LE's photos on Flickr

When a friend in dire need of company calls we need to be there.

Just got off the receiver talking with a friend, frantic over stuff in his life blowing up in his face. The need to sound off the heaviness in his chest was clear. Good thing we are just a stone's throw away from each other. The proposal to talk over a cup -- make it cups -- of coffee will certainly lead to dinner followed by more rounds of coffee or even soda laced with a little vodka.

I was in the same boat exactly a week ago when i got so upset, i immediately called my friend from the other side of the metropolis and took her to task of meeting up with me pronto. I am thankful i have friends like her in my life who put up with my demands when the road gets rough. They help me sort out the confused mass of wefts and warps rolled out before me.

How life's strains are eased just by those conversations...

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art . . . It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
~C. S. Lewis

Aiming for Permanence

How we wish that good things, that those we love and cherish be in our midst forever. Life is short. And everything is temporary.

"As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more."

Psalm 103:15-16 tells us so.

Yet we hold on to the things we treasure as long as we can. We immortalize, record, frame, engrave, embalm, enshrine...

The space i occupy will no longer be mine someday. But i hope to make even a dent (for the good) in someone's heart, in someone's life. Just as many have done in mine. I can only do so with the impressions the Lord has written upon my heart.

Beautifully Imperfect

Photo by rcesim's photos on Flickr

When i was younger and pondered on the kind of guy i wanted, in the area of looks and character, one criteria was that he must have some kind of scar on one of his eyebrows. This to me would be an indicator of manliness, one who never backs down from a fight. He had to have that little imperfection.

As with clay or earthenware -- receptacles that i consider beautiful are those which are flawed, dented, and yes, not perfect. I find a kindred spirit in ceramic artist Ayumi Horie.

Ayumi Horie is a studio potter and ceramic artist who works in the Hudson Valley of New York making functional, handmade pottery for use in kitchens, offices, and cars everywhere. The pots are distinctly handmade, where idiosyncrasies and imperfections are celebrated as evidence of human vulnerabilities and foibles. She believes that intuition often trumps calculated planning in making a comforting and meaningful functional pot.

Ayumi Horie | Ceramic Artist Making Handmade Pottery

How do you see the imperfections around you today?