Loving What I Have

Photo by Hamed Saber's photos on Flickr

These past days i have been struggling a lot with insecurity...besieged with feelings that draw me away from those i hold dear in my heart -- family -- and, friends. I have the option, and the freedom, to be selfish and hold back time and affection. Looking at people through the tainted lens of my insecure heart i only see the imperfection in others. I observe and eventually validate their failure to meet my expectations.

I wrestled. A lot.

This morning i broke through that mesh. Thanks to the sparrows that regularly come to visit our small backyard...they always seem to be in a flurry of activity, yet without a care for whatever need or sustenance. Freely they flit from tree to grass, to clothes hanging out to dry (even occasionally crap on), peck at flowers, chirping with a joy only they can know --- but which i feel. It is good to sit quietly and rest the mind and just be open to the impressions that come from God.

What i have, certainly imperfect, is, i realize perfect and just right for me. Even the most beautiful of all roses has thorns...it's just part of the package.

It is so good to be content. It is wonderful to be grateful.

And so, my choice: to nurture and cherish that which i have been allowed by grace (only by grace) to have.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

We're daughter and mother
Not so long ago.
We give and take
And take and give
Along time's endless row.
Love is passed
And love received
To be passed on again:
A precious heirloom
Twice, twice blessed,
A spiritual cardigan.

I'll put it on
And treasure it,
The me I have received,
And when the roles
Reverse again,
I'll have what I most need.

So may our love
Go on and on,
A hundred thousand years;
Mothers and daughters,
Daughters and mothers,
Through joys and other tears.

- Anonymous

Friends Add Value to Survival

photo by D4LE's photos on Flickr

When a friend in dire need of company calls we need to be there.

Just got off the receiver talking with a friend, frantic over stuff in his life blowing up in his face. The need to sound off the heaviness in his chest was clear. Good thing we are just a stone's throw away from each other. The proposal to talk over a cup -- make it cups -- of coffee will certainly lead to dinner followed by more rounds of coffee or even soda laced with a little vodka.

I was in the same boat exactly a week ago when i got so upset, i immediately called my friend from the other side of the metropolis and took her to task of meeting up with me pronto. I am thankful i have friends like her in my life who put up with my demands when the road gets rough. They help me sort out the confused mass of wefts and warps rolled out before me.

How life's strains are eased just by those conversations...

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art . . . It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
~C. S. Lewis

Aiming for Permanence

How we wish that good things, that those we love and cherish be in our midst forever. Life is short. And everything is temporary.

"As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more."

Psalm 103:15-16 tells us so.

Yet we hold on to the things we treasure as long as we can. We immortalize, record, frame, engrave, embalm, enshrine...

The space i occupy will no longer be mine someday. But i hope to make even a dent (for the good) in someone's heart, in someone's life. Just as many have done in mine. I can only do so with the impressions the Lord has written upon my heart.

Beautifully Imperfect

Photo by rcesim's photos on Flickr

When i was younger and pondered on the kind of guy i wanted, in the area of looks and character, one criteria was that he must have some kind of scar on one of his eyebrows. This to me would be an indicator of manliness, one who never backs down from a fight. He had to have that little imperfection.

As with clay or earthenware -- receptacles that i consider beautiful are those which are flawed, dented, and yes, not perfect. I find a kindred spirit in ceramic artist Ayumi Horie.

Ayumi Horie is a studio potter and ceramic artist who works in the Hudson Valley of New York making functional, handmade pottery for use in kitchens, offices, and cars everywhere. The pots are distinctly handmade, where idiosyncrasies and imperfections are celebrated as evidence of human vulnerabilities and foibles. She believes that intuition often trumps calculated planning in making a comforting and meaningful functional pot.

Ayumi Horie | Ceramic Artist Making Handmade Pottery

How do you see the imperfections around you today?

New Cycles

Photo by NithyaKumareh's photos on Flickr
One more day and it will be a brand new year, another opportune time to begin again. I love the period between this day and the very first day of the new year as it helps me identify and mark good intentions. New cycles are jump started by the contents of my mind and heart. I have a choice to be caught up in the frenzy of traditions -- celebrations, family get-togethers, dinners with friends, making noise (lots of it) and miss out on the gift this period offers.

Or i can choose to set a time to make an inventory of this year's victories and failures, examine how i have become a better (or worse) person, how i might have grown or withered in character.

Yearly i gallantly set personal goals and plans, write them down on a new journal -- this one has to be special and not just your ordinary notebook -- this ranges from the usual attempt to keep physically fit, lose weight, exercise more, eat healthy...the works. Then the harder part: work on my character. This takes a lot of courage and honesty to look into, humility to accept, and a whole lot of faith to even start.

My batting average is honestly bleak. I start the whole fitness regimen for a couple of months on and off. And on. And off. And i am back for the next year with the same goal. As to character, there is still so much to shed off it can be overwhelming. Take neediness for one. I do not even want my closest friends to know that somehow i hurt inside for my perceived lack of attention from them. Is that not pathetic? Yet surely that is self-inflicted.

But i will never be deterred from trying.

I accept this gift of new beginnings. I welcome this new cycle.

Be Patient With Life's Unfolding Petals

Life unfolds
a petal at a time
slowly.

The beauty of the process is crippled
when i try to hurry growth.
Life has its inner rhythm
which must be respected.
It cannot be rushed or hurried.

Like daylight stepping out of darkness,
like morning creeping out of night
life unfolds slowly
a petal at a time
like a flower opening to the sun,
slowly.

God's call unfolds
a Word at a time
slowly.

A disciple is not made in a hurry.
Slowly i become like the One
to whom i am listening.

Life unfolds
a petal at a time
like you and i
becoming followers of Jesus,
discipled into a new way of living
deeply and slowly.

Be patient with life's unfolding petals.
If you hurry the bud it withers.
If you hurry life it limps.
Each unfolding is a teaching
a movement of grace
filled with silent pauses
breathtaking beauty
tears and heartaches.

Life unfolds
a petal at a time
deeply and slowly.


~Macrina Wiederkehr, The Song of the Seed


photo by Bentobird's photos on Flickr