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| 'Life? or Theater?' --- an autobiographical series of paintings by Jewish Modern Artist Charlotte Salomon |
Yesterday i flunked an important technical exam. I was given an hour to go over the manual and all my notes to trace the steps i have missed. After a retake, i resurfaced with a perfect score. Thank God for second chances, i can now proceed to the next module of the course.
Such is life. I don't think anyone in this world can claim walking an absolutely straight and perfect path. We have, at one point or another, had to redo some things, clean the slate and start all over, and take the same tests over in order to learn its lessons. This has been the hallmark of my life.
One step forward, two steps back.
Just when i thought i made progress, i find myself in direr straits. It does not matter as long as i can capture what is being taught. But of course in the thick of it --- the struggle, and the wrenching and wretchedness of it all is discomforting and unnerving. Sometimes to the point of despair. I have reached that marker several times. I know that path too well.
And how did i survive? Detours. By taking in what is being taught.
And by pushing myself to do things out of my normal and usual routine. Just when i thought i have long been done with college: listening to lectures, studying, reviewing, practicum, and exams to pass -- i am back there alongside the young ones.
This is why I connect to the artist Charlotte Salomon. She was driven by “the question: whether to take her own life or undertake something wildly unusual”. Fraught with a life of pain, she launched into something extraordinary --- painting.
I know that my detour is a path forward.
